Kelly asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been in a long distance relationship for four months now and we have managed to make it work and see each other every few weeks. But when we are apart we hardly talk, there are hours between his replies to my texts. Also if we are on the phone normally at the end of the conversation he says love you but doesn't when he's around his friends. I hate that I'm acting paranoid but it's because of past relationships and I don't know how to stop it.
Hi Kelly,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is important to keep in mind that he may just be busy which could be the cause of his lack of texting- not necessarily anything to do with you.
Perhaps you could suggest that if you are both at work to drop each other an email instead- that way he won't get into trouble for texting during the day.
You will find that a lot of men don't show any affection to their partners or say anything romantic in front of their friends. Men generally like to avoid being teased and this could lead to him being made fun of. Men often try to avoid showing their vulnerable side to their friends as it can be cause of much leg pulling. He might just be trying to protect himself from being the butt of his friend's jibes.
If you feel that you should be talking more then perhaps pitch this to him when you are next with each other- maybe he feels the same but is too shy to suggest it. If you have only been going out for four months when you are still establishing what you both want from being together. If you want more contact then perhaps you need to just tell him.
Just because you have had relationships in the past that have not gone well doesn't mean that this one is headed down the same road. Try to take a step back and think why he might not have text and remember that male friendships are different to female ones. Women are not as afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves and are not judged if they do- men often try to hide their softer side from their friends and save it all for their partners for fear of ridicule.
tagged in Long Distance yin and yang agony aunt
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