Dare is a book about what happens when women take sexual fantasies, that exist perfectly in their heads, through to reality when things aren’t quite so perfect. Some of the real life stories are deliciously steamy and lustful, many are funny and others are outright shocking, embarrassing or disastrous. All are entertaining though.
What would you say to someone that believes they don’t ever have fantasies?
Not everyone has fantasies. Some people don’t want to explore that part of their sexuality. But most of us do and a sex fantasy can be simply imagining what it will be like to have sex with your partner or recalling what it was like. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t at least done that.
Why is fantasy land so appealing?
Think of your fantasies as a vibrator for the mind. There are a finite number of possible physical combinations of what we can do with our bodies, but our minds are limitless. Our imaginations are the single, most potent engine driving sexual desire. Fantasies are what keep sex fizzy when your sex life - or your partner - goes temporarily pear-shaped.
To what extent do you think that woman should act out their fantasies?
The over-riding advice from all the women I spoke to in my book was this: if you’re going to do it, think it through, and then think it through again. Imagine every possible scenario and what would happen if. If it involves another warm body in the bed and you’re in love with your partner, think VERY long and hard. They’re the sort that tend to go horribly wrong.
What is the best way to introduce their partner to their fantasy?
One good way to do it is to tell your partner you’ve had an erotic dream - a made up scenario based around the fantasy - and see what reaction you get. The more detail they ask for, the more interested they are. Though the book is mainly real women’s life experiences, there are chapters at the end that explore how to take a fantasy through to real life.
Why do women often feel ashamed and embarrassed about having a fantasy?
Because women don’t like to admit to the lusty, ‘filthy’ side to their sexuality that absolutely exists. There’s lots of recent research that proves once and for all that women are just as voracious about new sexual experiences as men are. That’s always been clear if you study women’s fantasies: we’re not hankering after romantic sexual encounters but very rude ones!
What is the most unusual fantasy you have come across?
Every fantasy is unusual in its way because each woman’s fantasy is individual. There were plenty that were a little too out there to include.
How do we know when we are at the point to act one out?
When you’ve discussed it and talked about it and thought through every possible scenario. Always remember your relationship is more important than the experience - even if it is bloody fantastic!
How should someone react if their fantasy did not go the way they had planned?
If it’s mild, laughing it off gets you out of most situations. If it became messy, try not to blame. Instead calmly talk through what happened and how it’s made both of you feel. If you did your homework and talked it through properly beforehand, the fallout should not be that bad.
What is the most common fantasy?
Sleeping with a woman. Either with or without him present.