And today’s twitter trend is #British Sex Positions, so we have some ideas to reaffirm your Britishness in the bedroom.

The Cream Tease

The Cream Tease

James Bondage- In true Casino Royale Style, you tie him up in a chair (any ordinary kitchen or dining room chair will do) by binding his hands behind his back and his feet to the legs. Don’t bash his balls in with a rope or that might kill the mood but use this time to give him oral, dance for him, give him a striptease before mounting him when he’s good and ready; while all the while thinking of Daniel Craig. Sorry guys.

Down-t’on Abbey- Only for women called Abbey who live in Yorkshire obviously! Think 69 but every time you feel something wonderful you must leave behind your Yorkshire twang and adopt your Lady Mary alias. Oh my!

British Take off- This is all about layering- so any position you can assume that makes you sandwich yourselves together in homage to the Victoria sponge. And clearly you must remove everything before you hop on.

Cream Tease- Stock up with the whipped cream and get squeezing, licking and sharing. And some strawberry lube goes a long way to get the whiff of summer alfresco sex.

Strawberries and Cream- Very different to the former- it’s always good to try before you buy. Use lashings of vanilla lube and get him to dip his tip into you wearing a strawberry flavoured condom, until you can’t take his teasing any longer and then let him indulge in your vanillary wetness.

Summer snacking will never look the same ever again.