By Andrea Pennington, MD - Author of The Orgasm Prescription for Women

Andrea Pennington

Andrea Pennington

How long does it takes you a long time climax? Do you find yourself distracted by mental chatter or do you feel rushed to get off? Your mindset affects your ability to achieve orgasm, says sex educator and integrative medical doctor Dr. Andrea Pennington. The author of The Orgasm Prescription for Women explains that, “when we recognize that orgasm actually happens in the brain you’ll find it easier to understand why extended foreplay can totally amp up the power and reliability of your orgasm.”

For more explosive and enjoyable orgasms Dr. Pennington says we must tap into the power of ‘mind over orgasm’ through extended foreplay. Many women complain that their partner tries to jump straight into business without much time for them to warm up sexually. As a result, many women find that they have a lot of self-judgment, critical thoughts and tension in their minds blocking their orgasmic release. Others just give in and get the act ‘over with’ and sacrifice their own pleasure which leaves them unfulfilled on many levels.

It turns out that when we feel pressured, rushed, self-critical or worried about what others think of us, our brain flips into survival mode. When we are stressed like that, the last thing the brain is going to do is put energy into ecstasy. In order for us to achieve orgasm, we need the brain to be in a responsive state so that all of the stimuli it receives can be interpreted as delicious, sexy and desirable. All of that positive interpretation causes the brain to increase blood flow to the genitals, breasts and face. And as we have more blood flow to our vagina and clitoris our sensitivity is heightened and we will feel more pleasure.

So how does this relate to extended foreplay? Dr. Pennington says that for most women they need more time to get past the negative self-talk that occupies their minds. They also need more time to convince their brain that taking time away from their otherwise busy lives is worth a sexy payoff. In addition, the more we focus on an expected pleasurable experience we will amp up the anticipation factor — which also makes the brain more sensitive and responsive.

Think back to your last craving for some yummy treat like ice cream or chocolate. You could be in the middle of a boring lecture or business meeting and the fantasy of indulging in some tasty treat kept you going. Later, as you dove into that bag of vegan chocolate chip cookies you felt like you were in heaven. Ahhh…bliss!

That’s one way that extended foreplay can increase your orgasm factor.

Foreplay begins in the mind

You don’t need to be physically together to begin foreplay. During the day take time to imagine what you and your beloved will do the next time you get together. Allow yourself to fantasize about your lover’s skin and how it will feel, taste and smell. Conjure up a sexy scene in your head about how you will be totally focused and present in the moment, ready to accept pleasure.

Tune into your senses

When you are near to your partner rather than focusing on your to-do list or the messy state of your flat, pay close attention to every sensation. Tune into their voice and how it makes you feel. When you look at their hands caressing your body see how the touch translates to electrical energy running up your spine. As you run your fingers through their hair or across their body really appreciate the sensations.

Dr. Pennington says that rather than rushing through foreplay women need to give themselves permission to take all the time necessary to get aroused. By allowing ourselves to let go of the pressure or expectation to come quickly we can actually enjoy the long sexy journey and the orgasm will be even more explosive.

Dr. Andrea Pennington (@DrAndrea) is an integrative physician, acupuncturist, meditation teacher, and sex educator. She is the best selling author of The Orgasm Prescription for Women. Andrea's new book, I Love You, Me! and bonus material are available out now at www.RealSelf.love