We may imagine that the growing penchant for anal sex is down to the influence of internet porn (a recent sex survey of heterosexuals revealed that 40% had tried it at least once with a partner or a toy) and we may believe we are the first to stretch our sexual limits in this way. But it is clear from a just a little historical research that we are just continuing a much documented sexual pleasure that goes back to ancient civilisations. Mosaics and frescos left by the ancient Greeks and the Romans reveal anal antics were just one many sexual variants enjoyed by the ancients and it seems in some civilisations it played a big part in spiritual worship. In northern Peru archaeologists exploring the Moche people unearthed 10,000 pots all depicting various methods of anal sex. It seems from the graphic images amongst other theories of establishing political control to domination the Moche believed that semen in the rectum had some special power, so it’s clear that the desire to have anal sex is not a modern-day phenomenon.

Anal is not for everyone

Anal is not for everyone

Naughty but surprisingly nice

Increasingly a question women ask me is, am I bad to enjoy anal sex?

No, where anal sex is concerned, we can rest easy that we are not a fallen society debauched by the demons of the internet, but we are simply continuing a tradition of sexual exploration that is fast becoming the ‘in thing’ for couples to explore.  According to Pornhub data, anal is the third most commonly searched term in the UK, and the stigma surrounding heterosexual anal sex is decreasing, and more couples are reporting having at least tried it once. Anal is no longer the preserve of homosexual couples and when asked a third of homosexual couples report that anal isn't part of their regular sexual repertoire.

But for anyone thinking of trying a bit of back door bonking there are a few golden rules that should be followed to make sure it’s both pleasurable and safe.


Anal is not for everyone and whether you are to be the top or a bottom, it’s important that both taking part are completely happy with the practice. In heterosexual sex, it’s mostly the girl as the bottom and guy as the top, but increasingly anal play is something straight men are exploring as receivers too. Either way it's important to always talk this through and never assume that your partner wants to try anal sex. For the receiver, if they feel anxious, this will only make any penetration to be painful. Anxiety causes the body’s muscles to contract which does not invite comfortable sex. Likewise forcing a reluctant guy to penetrate may unnerve him and result in him losing his erection this may be fear of hurting the other or possibly the anus is a no-go area when it comes to intimate play so don’t force anything always get a pass before entry.

Health Benefits

According to anal prostate massager and strap on retailer Nexus, the nation with the greatest demand for their products is Russia, and they don’t have a great track record when it comes to supporting homosexuality. However, they are very keen on maintaining good health, so often Russian husbands will request their wives to assist in their treatment for prostate massage. Of course, exploration of the Russian out back is only seen as a health benefit and not for pleasure involved at all!

Although the medical expert jury is still out on the benefits of prostate massage for men to avoid prostate cancer the emotional benefits of being an occasional  ‘receiver’ can be very rewarding

Welcome to The Pleasure Zone

This may come as an awkward surprise, but the physical pleasure of anal sex is down to our pooping procedure. Nature has a clever way of making anything that we need to do to stay alive as a species, pleasurable. So what goes in must come out, well at least some of it and if ‘gastroenterly’ all is in order then having a good dump usually brings a happy sigh to most of us.

The rectum and anus are rich in nerve endings which both send stimuli to the brain and control the muscles of the rectum and sphincter. When we are ready to defecate, the muscles of the rectum contract strongly and the muscles of the sphincter are forced open to allow the faeces to pass. Throughout this process, the nerves in the rectum and sphincter are sending strong signals to the brain, helping us monitor the process.

Anal sex reverse engineers this to produce pleasure. A penis or massager stretching the sphincter open and giving sensations of fullness in the rectum stimulates all the nerves that make pooping feel good. Unlike pooping, however, which lasts for a short time, anal sex continues on for some length of time, flooding the brain with pleasurable sensations. Additionally, the proximity of the anus and rectum to the crura (legs) of the clitoris and G-spot in women and the prostate gland in men also means that pressure and thrusting in the rectum produce additional pleasure, so anal sex is a rather clever way to turn the nerves intended for one process into reverse and produce pleasure.

But just because it’s good for you don’t assume it's going to be the same for them. Though the female generally sphincter is less tight than the males because men mostly stand to pee without pooing where as women tend to sit and let it all go in one, so the male sphincter gets regular clenching exercises which keep things tighter.

From a psychological perspective, it’s all about trust. Humans are a herding species that is innately insecure and embedded in every one of us is a deep sense of needing to belong. We seek to be accepted and safe. Reversing this psychology, if we put ourselves in the most vulnerable place and allow another to take control we revert to the same trusting place we felt when we were infants.

Plenty of Lubrication

Quite simply you can never use too much lube. Avoid using massage oil or dairy products and although in porn films spit is often seen being used don’t rely on this. If you are a receiver and any unwanted pain is felt, demand more lube.

Position Position Position

The penis comes in all shapes and sizes and angles. The anus is far less malleable than a vagina and less accommodating for an unusually large or shaped penis so getting the right position that is comfortable for the ‘receiver’ is important. For men as the giver ‘rear entry’ is the most popular as it enables good visual stimulation and a deeper penetration but for the female receiving when laying on her back can be equally pleasurable as the penis will more than likely be angled up to put pressure on the underside of the vagina and can even stimulate the G spot. But try a few positions, on the side, over the back of the sofa, even standing

Intimacy & Openness

There is a significant amount of trust that has to be in place before anal sex can happen. Many women are nervous, insecure, and have issues accepting anal sex, due to the physical requirements and reputation it seems to have. Not only that, but it also creates a closeness, because both partners are getting their needs met. If the man wants to experiment with anal sex and the woman complies, he feels closer to her, knowing she is doing something for his pleasure. In reverse, if the man wants his partner to use a strap-on then, this role switch can provide a place in the relationship where he can take the female role and she the male role gaining an understanding of how sex is for the other.

Baby safe

It may seem obvious but anal sex is an ideal form of contraception and for those couples who for whatever reason want to avoid pregnancy having anal sex rather than vaginal sex still provides both with pleasure without the risk. This may be due to cultural or belief restrictions or simply that traditional contraceptive methods are not possible. You cannot get pregnant through anal sex alone. Unless some sperm somehow comes out of the anus and finds its way into the vagina, you will not get pregnant. This eases the tension that is sometimes felt between two people during sex. Without that tension, people are freer to enjoy themselves, and men get to finish inside women—something that they all love to do. It’s a win-win for everyone.

Naturally Medicinal

Semen plasma has a ridiculous amount of benefits to it. When a man ejaculates inside a woman, it can affect her in a lot of ways. Usually, this happens through the vagina. However, newer research has shown that semen exuded in the anus has the same effects. Some common benefits of sperm are as follows: natural anxiety reducer, anti-depressant, improves quality of sleep, increases energy, natural pain reducer, improves mental alertness, and can increase a woman’s libido.

Making more of the moment

As a sex engineer & relationship therapist, one of the most frequent complaints I hear from women is that sex is too fast. The female is designed to harvest sperm to ensure the best biological match and so seek more than one male at a time whereas the male is geared for opportunity and speed. Hence the female sexual cycle is approximately 45 to 60 minutes whereas the male is only 15 minutes. Thus she can fit four males in one session. The result today of this imbalance (due to sexual monogamy being the norm) is that many women complain foreplay is lacking and everything is too fast. Bring in a bit of anal, and that changes everything. Anal sex requires time, planning and preparation so by necessity if the man wants to enjoy anal sex with his partner he has to invest in additional foreplay skills to ensure his partner is ready and willing.

To finish with Anal-ogy – just because you have always enjoyed walking down a familiar path next time you go for a stroll why not try a different route, take an unfamiliar direction and enjoy exploring new avenues.

Founder of Intimacy Matters Colin Richards is a relationship and sex mentor who is committed to teaching people how to achieve sensual intimacy, better communication and erotic fulfilment.


tagged in

  1. by Bobby 17th Jul 2008 05:08

    I tried putting Sharpie's in mine first before my bf and I tried it and I'm only 19. We moved from Sharpie's to putting tops of bottles (plastics). Its gettin better now. I am excited to try sticks!

  2. by faye 17th Sep 2008 19:33

    me and my husband took a few years to try anal as i was nervouse about it, the first time was to say the least unsuccessfull but after relaxing with a few glasses of wine and some good ... Read More

  3. by David 03rd Mar 2009 09:10

    thank you this site really opened a lot of doors for me and my partner.i haven't tried yet but i defiantly will as soon as my next encounter.once again thank you.

  4. by purplepeopleeater 11th Aug 2009 19:33

    Me and my boyfriend really like anal sex. we never used lube but in recent times ive been in alot of pain so we've been looking for new and better ways of going about it. The best exper... Read More

  5. by Jade 07th Dec 2010 17:48

    I was really nervous at the thought of anal sex, but after reading your tips and tricks Im quite eager to try it!! thank you so much!! :)

  6. by Alex & Katie 24th Jul 2011 05:40

    My husband and I finally tried anal sex. At first it hurt cuz we didnt use enough lube. Also we didnt talk about it like we should have first and for most. We are very much in love and... Read More

  7. by Alexis Johnson 12th Feb 2013 00:11

    Anal sex is not for everyone, but trying it is. Some women swear by it--they talk about orgasms way more powerful than anything they've experienced during vaginal intercourse, and include anal play as part of their regular sex routines. Read The Expert Guide to Anal Sex....


  8. by angelgator 14th Feb 2013 16:04

    My ex-boyfriend was a great guy with a huge endowment (11" x 7") and he introduced me to Anal sex. Key: Let the woman push herself onto the man, otherwise it can be extremely painful.

  9. by Maggie 02nd May 2013 11:31

    Firstly, Thank You!!
    This article was an eye-opener for me. I have read about anal sex tips but its never been more simple! My husband and I have tried doing it a couple of times before, it was very painful and it has been unsuccessful all the times we tried.
    Now I know the reason behind the several infections.
    Well, through your article, I have found confidence to try again but this time the right way.
    I am really glad and grateful!
    Looking forward to some fun!
    Thank you!

  10. by deanna somerville 27th Jun 2013 16:57

    i tried it with my bf many times

  11. by Mr Nibbs 28th Jun 2013 18:48

    anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

  12. by candy wilde 02nd Mar 2014 01:11

    Lube is probably the most important ingredient for anal sex. Start off with a small but plug first. Its all about when the girl is ready!!

  13. by ashlyzoe 10th Jul 2014 04:30

    5-More Lube

  14. by mostirreverent 12th Jul 2014 04:55

    Mr Nibbs (FF Visitor) wrote:anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

    so is oral sex, but everyone likes it

  15. by Red head mum 12th Jul 2014 20:37

    mostirreverent wrote:
    Mr Nibbs (FF Visitor) wrote:anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

    so is oral sex, but everyone likes it

    I would still prefer to give oral sex to anal though and make good use of my bosom to ahem help him out :mrgreen:

  16. by Starshine 13th Jul 2014 17:26

    mostirreverent wrote:
    Mr Nibbs (FF Visitor) wrote:anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

    so is oral sex, but everyone likes it

    On the contrary, oral sex is the original natural lube.

  17. by Starshine 13th Jul 2014 17:27

    mostirreverent wrote:
    Mr Nibbs (FF Visitor) wrote:anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

    so is oral sex, but everyone likes it

    On the contrary, oral sex is far from unatural it is the original natural lube.

  18. by mostirreverent 16th Jul 2014 03:11

    Starshine wrote:
    mostirreverent wrote:
    Mr Nibbs (FF Visitor) wrote:anal sex is disgusting and unnatural. GROSS!

    so is oral sex, but everyone likes it

    On the contrary, oral sex is far from unatural it is the original natural lube.

    If it aint for begotten, it's the devils work.

    BTW, I think I'm on the list for top "tips" for anal :D and not for a diminutive size fran :D

  19. by Sunshine 29th Aug 2014 04:54

    Anal is one of the best things we have tried. It took two or three times, but once we got if right OMG!. Take it slow and lube lube lube..

  20. by meep 09th Jan 2015 01:08

    Lol sharpie

  21. by meep 09th Jan 2015 01:10

    Lol Sharpie

  22. by ros3 09th Jan 2015 16:38

    Haha I used a glow stick . The things people do

  23. by Jill 17th Feb 2015 17:19

    Okay so the first time my boyfriend and I tried it we had talked about it and he'd begun fingering my butt but it was really painful even with lube so we didn't get very far. However we did try again and we used lotion rather than lube and he came within three minutes and while it hurt at first it actually felt really good. 100 times better than I had anticipated, ready to do it again already.

  24. by Lauren 19th Feb 2015 02:09

    I'm nervous about it iv tried it before when I was younger and it didn't really feel like anything but my boyfriend now wants to try it and I am just nervous it hurts. What position wou... Read More

  25. by Luna 26th Mar 2015 15:58

    Anal is my boyfriends biggest turn on and I really want to be able to do it for him but we've been trying different tips for almost a year now and nothing is making the pain go away for... Read More

  26. by Demona Draku 27th Mar 2015 07:10

    Ok... Soooooo, for starters...... I've tried finger in the butt twice, both times my ex ended up with shitty fingers... (Will try salt water flush before, it seriously cleanses your col... Read More

  27. by annixandra 27th Mar 2015 19:13

    Short sessions of anal frequently like every day whether its with a toy or with him will help the muscles get used to the experience and it will help them relax easier just like any oth... Read More

  28. by Sam 06th Apr 2015 07:17

    Have u eer tried with a Condom??

  29. by yep 11th Apr 2015 16:40

    Lots of lube don't be afraid to get a lil messy you can always get a shower. Stick to missionary and you'll have more control dogy style. And the one thing no one wants to say push a little like your going ya know. This will let him in easier.

  30. by suzzie76 12th Apr 2015 18:40

    yep (FF visitor) wrote:Lots of lube don't be afraid to get a lil messy you can always get a shower. Stick to missionary and you'll have more control dogy style. And the one thing no one wants to say push a little like your going ya know. This will let him in easier.

    Yes definitely push back and practice and communicate what worked and what didn't. Yes its not natural, but so is all but vaginal sex and practice makes purpose.

  31. by sara & jay 16th Apr 2015 13:53

    yep (FF visitor) wrote:Lots of lube don't be afraid to get a lil messy you can always get a shower. Stick to missionary and you'll have more control dogy style. And the one thing no one wants to say push a little like your going ya know. This will let him in easier.

    One of the points of anal sex (for both of us) is that it has the taboo element. I used to give myself an enema with Jay at first (like I'd done with previous boyfriends), but that takes away some spontaneity and naughtiness. So now we lube him, then when I feel him nudging, I make like I'm letting out a big fart which lets him enter easier, and he gets whatever mess he may or may not get. Mostly its pretty clean anyway & if not, well it's his C*** that's the intruder, not any faecal matter that t might be lurking.

  32. by suzzie76 17th Apr 2015 08:18

    Yeah same if I know I'm going to be doing ill give myself a enemy in advance a few hours before like before date night and if a dirty weekend I often have the full professional colonic wash as this is good for 2 to 3 days. Other advantage is that it gives a tighter flatter tummy and you feel lighter and more energetic.

  33. by franfran 17th Apr 2015 12:11

    Female First wrote:Enjoyable Anal

    Now there's two words I wouldn't normally use together.