My interviewee is 49-year-old female, married with 4 children who are all still living at home. She has been the Ashley Madison site for over 3 years after having affairs before going online. We caught up with her to ask her about the appeal of an extra-marital affair.
Relationships on Female First
When did you first know that you wanted to stray from your marital bed?
There was not a specific moment I can remember. It was just the sense that what I was getting wasn’t enough within the last 20 years so I decided to look elsewhere. And ultimately, that led me to Ashley Madison.
What was your partner not giving you that you wanted from elsewhere?
I just found myself in a relationship that was very vanilla, a place I didn’t imagine our relationship would end up in. My husband wasn't giving me what I needed and made me feel like what I wanted was too much. Unmet desires drove me to look outside my marriage to satisfy my needs.
You joined out of curiosity, so what did you enjoy most about the messages you exchanged with others?
I enjoyed that men found me attractive and they wanted me. I loved the thrill, the danger and the content of the messages. We all, women and men, want to be wanted, to be desired – and I was able to find that online.
How did you feel after your first encounter with someone other than your partner?
I felt genuine excitement and was happy about my first extramarital encounter.
You’d had affairs before AM so what made you want to pursue them online?
It was easier finding someone to meet online and it gave me more scope to choose someone. Discretion is a must, obviously, so going out to the local club or pub is a recipe for disaster. Here, I have more control and can better vet potential partners.
Do you ever worry about getting caught?
At first I was worried but the excitement outweighed any fear I had. When you’re deprived of something that is important to you, clearly you’ll take risks to fulfill those needs.
You have been on the site for over three years now so what keeps you hooked?
I’ve been on the site for 3 and a half years. I'm hooked knowing that men find me attractive and want to be with me. It isn’t complicated to connect with women, just make us feel desired.
Is it something you will continue to do throughout the rest of your marriage?
For the foreseeable future, I'll continue to be on site.
What would you say to someone who is thinking of having an affair?
I would tell anyone to do what's right for them if it's really what they want. Only they can decide.
Do you ever feel guilty for being with someone new?
99% of the time I feel no guilt at all. I'm having fun and if I don't get found out then no one is getting hurt. Life is definitely too short.