Today is National Take your Parents to Lunch Day, so we remind ourselves of what happens when couples seat their parents at the same table for a few hours.
Take an unnecessary amount of time to order- Because while you're all supposed to be looking at the menu- you have a long catch up and exchange everything that's happened since the last time you did this. Much to the delight of the waiting staff.
Ask what each other is having- Even though it has no bearing on what you will or have chosen- but it's polite. ' You're ordering the beef? Sounds lovely'- even though you both know you don't eat meat. 'Oh a beer- yummy!'- yet you can't stand the stuff.
Your parents tell your partner's parents embarrassing stories from when you were little- And vice versa. You know the ones- when you used to run around naked all the time, poop in weird places and say things well beyond your years. Perfect.
Your parents gang up on you and ask you when you're having children- Or if you already have one- when you're having the next. They get ballsy when there's strength in numbers. You both pretend nothing was said and pay particular attention to your meal before changing the subject.
Someone gets drunk- And often it's you or your partner so you can get to a place where you don't care what stories the rents tell. Or it's one of the older folk and they start to gush about what a lovely couple you make.
One set of parents tells a story they have told many times before- And the other set politely listen and don't let on that this is the third time they've had to endure this tale.
The parents make plans to get together- Which never come to anything but if they are willing to holiday together- at least you know the thought is there. 'Let's do a weekend together!'- or 'You should come to ours for Christmas', or 'Let's go abroad for a short break- it'll be fun!'
You all eat too much- When you bring both sides of the family together, you know there's going to be mountains of food- you all have big appetites but you always misjudge when you go out together and have tons of leftovers.
You give your partner THE look- The one that says- I am so glad we can do this- our parents getting along makes everything so much easier- even if they have no boundaries when it comes to questions.
Fight over the bill- Whoever didn't pay last time snatches the bill and announces that it's their turn.