When you get married you think you can do it all- work full time, keep an immaculate house, have food on the table by 6pm and a wardrobe full of pressed clothes. The reality is very, very different. On National Housewife's Day we celebrate all the women who are trying to be top notch at work and at home.
Meal Times- Anything you make is generally a burnt, inedible mess and you rely heavily on your oven, your microwave and your drawer full of take-out menus to get you through. Your partner tries his best when you do attempt to make a dish but they've always 'eaten a big lunch' when you take to the hob. Funny that.
The House- Your house looks like a permanent project. There's detritus everywhere and when you tidy, you tend to just throw things in cupboards and drawers to make it look presentable. You dread people coming over unannounced- you and your partner are accustomed to the tip, but visitors aren't and sometimes recoil in horror at how you live.
The Ironing- Is generally piled high and on your never-ending 'to do list'. You hate it because when you do get free time- which isn't that often- you want to do something more exciting than flatten clothes with a hunk of metal.
The Fridge- Is always empty- the concept of 'planning your meals' and 'stocking up' is wasted on you. You're a kind of 'decide when you get in what you fancy' kind of couple.
The Washing Basket- Is overflowing with clothes that need to be fed through the washing machine but you don't have the energy or the inclination. When you do come around to it- it generally buckles under the pressure anyway. On more than one occasion, you've bought new underwear for you both because you couldn't be bothered to wash your dirty stuff.
The Dishwasher- Is your saviour. If you had to wash the dishes- it would look like that scene from The Sword in the Stone. You love it nearly as much as your man because it gets you out the s*it every single day.
Lunch- You rarely make a sandwich for you both but when you do- you're lucky if the edges of the bread meet, the butter is spread evenly across each slice and the filling isn't spilling over the sides. It's the risk you take when you make them so quickly. Mostly you and your partner buy your dinner at work- it's safer and less embarrassing for everyone involved.
The Corner Shop- Is your best friend- for when you've been to the take out three times in the same week already and are too ashamed for a fourth visit.
Your Attire- You don't wear pretty dresses and aprons like the traditional housewife is depicted. When you're cleaning- it's usually an old set of painting clothes you don't mind getting bleach on that show your bum crack. Sexy.
You're used to THAT look- When you tell women of the older generation that you don't have tea on the table every night, you don't press your partner's shirts at the same time every week and you haven't changed your bedsheets in a month- they give you THE look- like you should be stripped of your vagina with immediate effect and you feel even more useless.
But you do the best you can.
tagged in wife