If you’ve just started sleeping over your partner’s place, you will know these problems all too well. If you now live with your significant other- think back- something you take for granted now might have been a huge deal way back then.

When you want to slob out in your underwear but they want to have sex

When you want to slob out in your underwear but they want to have sex

You get your period- You can’t eat copious amounts of chocolate in bed with a water bottle, watch chick flicks and be all grumpy when you’re trying to impress your fella in his abode. Then there’s the added stress of telling them sex is off the cards, the possibility of staining their sheets, where you put your pad or if your used tampon might block up their toilet.

You have a dicky tummy- You go out for something to eat that doesn’t sit all that well with you before heading back to his place. Perhaps you haven't discussed pooping yet, you might pretend you don’t- but nothing is more of a buzz kill than spending half the night in the loo hoping he can’t hear your farts.

You feel bloated- All you want to do is release the giant bubble that’s formed in your belly and enjoy some well needed relief. But you can’t- he might leave you, kick you out or make fun of you with all his friends. So you keep it in all night and wait until you get in your car before you literally explode with 24 hours’ worth of gas.

You forget something important- Like your toothbrush, your comb or your bra and spend the whole night wondering how you are going to cope without said item in the morning… and all day at work. Will they notice your bad breath, saggy chest and bed hair in the office? Probably.

You need a massive poo- One that requires five minutes once you’ve vacated the bathroom- but you are too scared to- he might associate you with that smell forever. So you eat and drink very little at their place and wait until you get to work where you can blame the smell on someone else.

They snore all night- And you’ve not reached a place where you can shout at them, shake them or moan at them in the morning. When they ask you if they kept you up- you lie or seriously tone it down and pretend it’s cute. Even though it’s really not and they’re the reason you have to exist on coffee all day.

They want to have sex and you don’t- There’s unspoken presumption to make the most of your time together and have sex whenever you share a bed. But some nights all you want to do is watch TV, eat and sleep and you don’t want to give the impression this is all you so when you’re home alone. Even though that’s exactly how you prefer to spend your time.

Your routine gets messed up- You have to get up an hour earlier to take a shower and drive to your job because it’s not local like your place is. You get to bed way later than normal because you have been up all night having sex or they want to share breakfast so you have to rise even earlier. Suddenly the euphoria of being in the early stages of a new relationship wears thin when all you can think about is sleep. And you want to do it ALONE.  

They’re a huggy sleeper and you’re not- They like to snuggle you all night long but you require space to snooze. You spend the night pinned down while they blow hot air in your ear and you wish you were still single.

You go there after a crappy day at work- And all you want to do is moan, drink alcohol, swear, stomp around and throw things to get rid of the anger. But you can’t show them your post bad workday ritual yet so you hunker down and pretend everything’s fine. The next day at work is even worse because you haven’t vented from the last one. 

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