See yourself through someone else’s eyes, who are you?

15 February 2017

In all my years of relationships and seeing people individually, I have always believed that its in someone’s personality to want to change for the better and believe they want to change too.

Relationships on Female First

I sense here that for women, the men, who are incredibly charming at the start, can influence us in so many ways with their words and their ways, that we truly believe what they say is what they mean.

The most difficult times I have seen for women in particular, because of their lifestyles, at that present moment, are the ones who feel they may not deserve any better that what this person currently offers them now.

Denise was a lady (named changed) I saw not so long ago who was seeing an older man, lets call him Martin. Marin lived in the UK whilst Denise was in Malaysia. Martin was always talking about Denise moving in with him. He had, apparently a good job, in her eyes he would look after her. She lived at home with her parents but had quite a difficult time with money and also paying bills, she felt her life was getting harder and harder over time because of the way she was suffering financially. This was her only hope to get out of this rut she felt, if she moved in with him.

She had known Martin for about ten years but she never really fancied him as such or felt it was right. In her own words, she felt he would help her and rescue her from her situation where she felt low and isolated with no money. During their time apart, she felt this distance with him but also yearned for real love and found herself physically attracted to other men her own age.

It was at this point where she came to see me, asking me, “what is wrong with me Jo?”

Why cant I just take this man in the UK?

Well you see, I said, this man you see as a father figure, more than a partner and you want to be rescued to have a better life, you know this as well as fear being alone, you know something isn't quite right with Martin?

Yes she said, but “he will help me with a better life wont he?”

Now, this isn't something I can agree on its more she was missing the point, it was like she was saying to herself “I will take this as its better than nothing!’

I felt this man Martin had his own agenda in the UK, which later we found out he was dating others himself but yearned for Denise to still live with him and be with him all the time, she said, I need to go Jo because otherwise my life here gets worse with no money.

I wanted Denise to understand that this man, would in fact make her life harder because of trust issues, he would use her for his own needs, at the same time he was lying about his work and business too. Which was the case as he had no money but yet he wanted her to believe he had lots of it. You see Martin wasnt silly, he knew that was what Denise secretly needed and wanted so he played on this fact, all the while getting away with what he wanted and telling Denise different stories at the same time.

It is at that time in our lives where we are at our most vulnerable and weakest, where men who see this will take advantage of this. For me, these two are like peas in a pod vulnerability equates to being taken advantage of when you are in desperate need to be loved.

What this lady needed to do, was find herself again, not thinking money will be the answer with a man. She had lost her identity in some ways and lost who she was as a person.

This is something we need to all think about, not to assume that one person will make us whole and happy, its down to yourselves to find things which make you happy. Men will only do what you let them do, if you know yourself well, know what you want and want only to be happy you will not attract someone who treats you this way.

Be strong and be honest with yourself.

Many people who come to see me paint this lovely picture in their minds about someone, almost to the point of living in a fantasy land, when in reality it is more about the bigger picture. They dont want to see the truth but they know something isn't right….