Karen Marley

Karen Marley

Hottie McHotster was the married one. Did you guess? I suppose based on the confident attitude, and the self-absorbed chat most (who don't like what I do) would have jumped on that immediately. 'Of course he's married, he's a cocky cheat who is full of himself, it's all about him, and what he wants!' But in my line of dating, it doesn't work like that. You'll be amazed who is cheating. I've said it before, look around your friends, family and colleagues, and I will guarantee several of them will be cheating, have cheated or are considering cheating. And usually it's the ones you least expect.

I know, from experience, that guys like Hottie will have been cheating since the wedding, and beyond. It's nothing to do with being cocky and self-absorbed, more to do with being attractive and confident, verging on arrogant. Women are drawn to that, and it will have made cheating incredibly easy. The men who find women intimidating, or the thought of dating daunting, will take more time to consider what they are doing. But the confident bad boy will rush headlong into infidelity. Why? Because he can.

But a new Serial Mistress is in town – or at least in the press. She's bragging openly about the amount of men she's slept with."

I haven't had chance to see either of them this week, so my dilemma rumbles on. With Hottie I wouldn't want to jump into an affair, or a bed, with him because he is so arrogant about his sexual prowess. And with Drippy (sorry) I am pretty sure friendship only will be on the cards. I doubt he'll be thrilled with that, and it was nothing to do with 'the drip', but I just didn't feel the sexual chemistry I expect to experience when I'm with someone new. Dating my married men is always based on friendship first and sex much later, but usually there is a tinge of something exciting between us. On this occasion there wasn't. I know things can grow over time, I prefer not to work on the 'thunderbolt' theory, so who knows where this friendship could go.

Reading an article in the Sun this week I did wonder whether I was right to think friendship should come first. I've been a serial mistress for years, and I have some amazing friends from it. Friends I have got to know over several weeks or months online or on the phone, finally met, and realised the chemistry just wasn't there. Rather than walking away from everything we have in common we have remained close pals and confidantes. But a new Serial Mistress is in town – or at least in the press. She's bragging openly about the amount of men she's slept with, how sexually adventurous she is, and how many married men she has taken to sex parties to shock and educate. 

She's a similar age to me, so I'm not sure that's a factor. She's in London, I'm in Yorkshire, so maybe it’s a geographical difference of opinion. She's a tall, leggy brunette, not a short, curvy blonde, maybe she gets more offers than me, but to be honest, I very much doubt it. Why are some women more interested in friendships than using men for their own gratification? Don't misunderstand me here, I am not a serial mistress to make friends. Of course I am looking for a sexual relationship, or two, but I've never felt the need to brag about how many men there have been, and what I have done with them. I am incredibly open-minded and I'm sure some of the adventures I've embarked on would curl your toes, but is it necessary to tell the world? 

When I popped my head up to be counted as a mistress, I was hoping I would change the opinion of many of the haters, and make the wives realise that their men would probably be happy at home with a little more encouragement and communication. I also wanted to let the world know that an affair doesn't have to be a destructive influence on a marriage, it can help, simply by offering a shoulder to cry on in many cases. Over the years the majority of the men I have dated have complained not about the lack of sex, but about the lack of communication, affection and interest their wives show. That is why many are friends, nothing more, and are happy with that. I don't need to bed each and every man I meet, or take them to sex parties, to make their lives better. I'm not sure how that would make my life better either. 

Fair play to her, she is braver than me announcing to the world that she is using the married men for her own sexual gratification. The internet makes it incredibly easy to find sex, especially for an intelligent, attractive woman, which she is. But surely single men would be more fun to play with, unless she's out to shock? Sadly it fulfils the stereotype that a mistress is sex obsessed and likes using another woman's man for entertainment and exercise. The real mistresses out there, who have been doing this for years, will know they are good friends first, sexual partners second. I have had some amazing sex over the years with some amazing men, but it was always because it felt right, and we had an incredible connection, never because we both set out to see how quickly we could bed, shock, or exhaust the other.

I'm sure she has done wonders for the membership figures of illicitencounters.com, which is great, lots more men for us girls to choose from. But she will have attracted many of the men who are looking for a woman to bed as soon as possible, occasionally, preferably without much conversation and responsibility. I do hope people don't assume that is how every mistress works, and what every adulterous man wants. 

Mind you, I do believe Hottie McHotster does! Maybe I should body swerve him for another week until I've discovered more substance.

Karen uses dating site illicitencounters.com

by for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
find me on and follow me on