Being single isn’t always easy, especially when everyone else we know are in seemingly happy relationships. It’s great when we get invited to a dinner party for example, but no-one likes an odd number around the table. Inevitably someone else has been invited for the duel-purpose of making numbers even… and our host’s are trying out some well-meaning matchmaking. Such occasions can be uncomfortable. Especially once we’ve quickly realised that the person we’ve been ‘paired’ with doesn’t tick even a few, or any of our boxes.
We sit trapped at the dinner table. The other guests cast fleeting glances to see if the chemistry is starting to happen. For you it’s definitely not. If the starter was uncomfortable and the sight of something green that could be salad between your new dinner partner’s teeth isn’t bad enough, he also seems quite keen on you. As your hosts go to the kitchen to get the presentation of the main course right on the plates they agree; “they seem to be getting on quite well!”
It’s always flattering when someone takes an interest in us. If we’re feeling a bit left out of the dating game, and overlooked, then we can easily start wondering if it’s worth trying to bang a square peg into a round hole. We might start to try and overlook the things we really find unattractive about someone. In the back of our minds the question; could this be the last chance I get? Absolutely not! Be aware of any sense of urgency (and the hopes and expectations of others). Getting into a relationship for the sake of being in one, or in the hope that maybe with a lot of hard work it could be a goer simply takes you out of the game. The end result is often unhappiness and the creation of an unnecessary problem. Someone’s heart is going to be broken.
Some people find being single difficult. Most of us want someone special in our lives. The success of online dating websites and apps are testament to that. Any relationship we have with someone special should always compliment the relationship we already have with ourselves. There’s a higher chance that the relationship will not succeed if it’s a substitute for what we lack. When we’re emotionally independent and feel whole without having a partner – then there’s no way that we will even consider settling for second best. More than that it makes us even more attractive to others. We’re in the best place emotionally and available for when the right person does come along and not in a relationship with someone who is wrong for us.
Written by Paul Thorn- author of The Broken Heart Toolkit
You can follow on Twitter @Paul_Thorn