The oven is her saviour

The oven is her saviour

She can't live without her microwave, oven and toaster- She may use a hob but only to prepare sauce that comes out of a jar. People have bought you kitchen items since getting together like blenders, steamers and scales which have never seen the light of day.

Aprons scare her- There's way too much pressure when wearing an apron in the kitchen. She doesn't believe she's earned the right to wear one either and to be fair, she's not wrong.

She has scars- All of which have been caused by cooking accidents- old cuts from knife slips and burns from using a raggedy tea towel instead of an oven mitt. Her body tells many tales after years of cooking disasters.

You don't expect her to fall into traditional roles- You may have thought in your early dating days that because she is female she will automatically know how to cook. Her mum/grandma were bound to have taught her right? You were quickly corrected. The females in her family gave up years ago.

She doesn't plan ahead- You won't know what you're having days in advance like some couples who have established an eating routine. She's not that organised- literally as you walk through the door- that is when you decide what you will be throwing in to have for your evening meal.

She doesn't make you a packed lunch- You would really like it if she lovingly prepared a sandwich for you. The reality is she wastes all her wages on take-out lunch deals so there is no way she will ever put two pieces of bread together to show you how much she loves you.

She loves to eat out- Or get take away- anything that doesn't involve her having to put things on metal trays or play with buttons. You never have any money as a consequence because it all goes on restaurant bills.

Even though all of her dinners are made easy- She still finds it an effort to take food out of its box and put it in the heating device of choice, figure out what temperature to put the oven at or clean away the few items used to prepare such easy food. Even so called 'convenience foods' aren't convenient enough for this lady.

You never entertain- Because people know to stay away from her cooking for fear of food poisoning. If you do- the cooking is left up to you and she plays waitress. Her idea of having a family meal together is meeting at the pub or a restaurant.

If it doesn't freeze, it's not worth her time- You have learned that buying fresh produce never lasts because she thinks it takes too much effort to chop it up or peel. Everything you eat is already frozen or can be so you don't waste any more money on aspirational vegetables and fruits.

You have perfected the 'mmmmmmm'- On the odd occasion she has attempted to cook you something- it has always been inedible. But to give her some encouragement you are very convincing at making her believe what she has prepared is tasty- with an enthusiastic 'mmmmm' even though it's probably not even safe for your dog.


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