Kissing is a sensual smorgasbord that activates all five of our senses and sends a direct signal to the emotional brain or Limbic sensual centers associated with love, lust and passion. This exchange of sensory information also provides non-verbal clues about the other person, their genetics, compatibly and level of commitment, helping you to make a subconscious decision about whether our kissing partner is a suitable match.
However, whilst a bad first kiss can be a deal breaker, it needn’t be the kiss of death for your relationship.
Here’s how to get another date if the first date was a disaster
Before you go for another date, trust your instincts: So before you jump into round two ask yourself the question, was the kiss bad or just plain awkward? This is where it pays to trust your instincts and take note of what his body was telling you. Sexual Attraction causes our lips to engorge with blood making them warm, tingly and irresistible to touch. It can also temporarily block brain impulses that control the lower jaw, causing the jaw to drop and lips to part. So if his lips were cold, hard and pressed together mid snog, he probably wasn't into it.
Relax, most men will give it another shot: Numerous studies have shown that women place more importance on kissing than men. Whereas women use kissing as a form of mate selection and a way to initiate, maintain and evaluate the health of their relationship, for men kissing is predominately a precursor to sex. A study in the journal Evolutionary Psychology investigating gender differences in kissing found that 86% of women wouldn’t have sex with someone they hadn’t kissed, whereas men were far more likely to have sex without kissing.
Address the issue in a fun, lighthearted way: Rather than pretending that didn't happen, avoiding his calls or going missing in action, address the issue in a playful, flirty and lighthearted way. Talking releases the ‘cuddle hormone’ oxytocin, which reduces stress and helps you to bond, and chances are it’s probably not as bad as you thought.
Laugh it off: A bit of humor can go a long way after a bad date. Making your first kiss a mutual joke and having a laugh will lighten the mood and release feel good endorphins that reduce stress, creating the ideal environment for the perfect date and kiss.
Take the initiative and plan the perfect invite: Dating is daunting for both sexes, so it should come as no surprise that the majority of men prefer a woman who takes the initiative. However, men and women have different ideas about what constitutes the perfect date. Women bond by talking; men bond by doing things together so for the ultimate invite find out what he’s passionate about. For an added boost, chose an activity that involves touch (perhaps he can show you how to play pool, or touch rugby) and to heighten attraction, try an activity with an adrenalin hit. It will get your blood pumping and release phenethylamine, which will heighten the attraction between you and get you both in the mood.
Additional tips for when you’ve blown the first kiss:
Relax and avoid having high expectations: A good kiss stimulates the parasympathetic system, lowers cortisol levels reducing stress and helps us to relax. However, if you're expectations are too high or you're so nervous that you can barely say your own name, a kiss can have the opposite effect. That first kiss can be nerve wracking, but taking the time to breathe, connect, touch gently and have fun help you to connect and reduce performance anxiety.
Set the mood: Researches at Lafayette College found that where you kiss can have a powerful effect on how you rate the smooch and your partner. The study found that kissing in a sterile environment decreased the level of the bonding hormone oxytocin and reduced the level of intimacy women felt with their partner. The more comfortable you feel, the better the kiss so pick your location well.
Kiss sober: Drinking or taking drugs releases the same chemical cocktail as kissing and can make the kiss better (or much worse) depending on how you’re feeling and the effect that alcohol has on you. Whilst a glass of bubbles can lower your inhibitions, if you want to get an accurate impression of whether you're suited, keep your wits about you and stay sober.
Focus on them: If nerves are to blame for that flunking that all-important first kiss, simply change your focus and turn your spotlight on them. We kiss the way we want to be kissed, so to improve your chances of making an unforgettable impression listen to what their kiss is telling you. You’ll take some pressure off yourself, reduce your stress levels and may actually enjoy it.
Katia Loisel, relationship expert and co-founder of L'amour TV and author of The L’amour Kissing Guide.