To mark National Day of Mourning, we take a look at why it's important to experience sadness after a relationship but also how to work through it.
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Learn from your mistakes- There are two sides to every story- a break up is not the fault of just one person- it's the fault of both partners. Realise what your contribution to the demise of the relationship was and use it as a means to change things for your next one. Learn from what didn't go to plan and try to repeat what went well.
Ask for help- Leaving behind a long term relationship can leave you lacking confidence and asking a lot of questions. If you need help to talk all of this through- ask for it. If that is talking with family and friends or seeking out someone who is impartial like a counsellor. It will help you to unravel and make sense of the feelings that are wrapped up in your break up.
Forgive- That goes for you and your ex. No one is capable of having a perfect relationship and at the end of the day, you were just incompatible as a couple. Being together brought out the worst in you both but the right person will bring out the best. You can have all the experience and all the right tools but if it's not right- they're ineffective.
Grieve- Grief keeps coming so if you feel ok one day and not the next- that's ok. Expect feelings of shock, denial, pain, guilt, anger, depression and loneliness. Once you have endured these stages, you will have hope and acceptance.
Let go- The relationship is over and now it's time to move on- there is no point in dwelling in the past because you can't change what's been and gone. You have to let go in order to move forward or you will be forever stuck in limbo.
Avoid feeling sorry for yourself- The moment you start to think the world is against you- you give up and don't seek the strength to move on. You are the only person who can change your thought process- if you don't, you will become stagnant.
Don't over analyse- If you spend your days re-thinking everything you said and did, you won't get anywhere fast and be surrounded by negativity all the time. Avoid dwelling on the things you regret and accept that no one is capable of doing things 100% right.
Don't hide away- It's important to enjoy your 'me' time- everyone needs this time to embrace their hobbies and interests. Make sure that you spend time with friends and family too- they will offer a welcome distraction and hopefully get you laughing again.
Avoid another relationship- Give yourself some time by yourself to think about you before rushing into another relationship. You need to know what you want and where you're headed before considering anyone else. If you hurry into another partnership it may not work because you're going into it for all the wrong reasons. Then you will have to go through the same process again all too soon after the last one.
Let go of the anger- You may be angry at your ex- if you can release this as and when it happens, there won't be a backlog of anger just waiting to come out in spectacular fashion.
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