How to guarantee date number two

22 February 2018

Dating can be a real minefield and the first date in particular can be extremely tricky as you’re trying to make the best impression.

Relationships on Female First

New research from happn, the dating app that helps you find the people you’ve crossed paths with, has revealed that a third of daters make up their mind if they are interested in their date within a few minutes! Over half of people said they have made an excuse to leave early with 38% of people saying they always have an excuse prepared!

We’ve called on Hayley Quinn, Dating Expert to share her expertise on HOW you can secure a second date (if you want one!).

Don’t go into a first date needing a second – Firstly, I don’t think anyone should go into a first date really needing a second one. Part of the way that you create respect around yourself and make yourself more desirable is by having really strong standards which is communicated through how you behave on a date. So that eagerness to please which could be agreeing with everything a person says, being too accommodating or a bit too enthusiastic about this one person could make you appear that you’re only interested in a relationship rather than actually connecting with the date that you’re on.

Go in with standards for yourself and qualities that you’re looking out for – Go into your first date knowing what you’re looking for; do you want a guy who’s confident, a guy who’s warm, or a good communicator. Direct the conversation to find out if they are best suited for you with these in mind.

Before the Date – If the date is really last minute in terms of how it’s organised or overly spontaneous or no effort on the guy’s front then right from the beginning you’re probably seeing someone who’s in the dating process who’s not really fully invested in having something that leads to more than one first date.

Prize your Individuality and your Uniqueness – Move away from this need to have everybody like you. Instead, talk about your hobbies, passions and beliefs; you won’t connect with everyone on that level but it will with the people you have the strongest connections with.

Compliment! – Guys can be really shy on a first date and what they really seek and enjoy is a certain degree of approval to know the date is going well. This will make the guy feel confident enough to step forward and behave in a way that’s more flirtatious so a simple thing like a little touch to the arm or maybe paying a compliment – by giving some approval to a guy and demonstrating that you are interested in him that can help to improve his experience of the date.

Make a Decision – Value your own sense of self and identity over impressing anyone else. So if he asks, what do you want to drink – make sure you choose something rather than letting him choose. I think people like and connect with people who are individuals and a degree of a sense of self is universally attractive whether or not you’re a man or a woman.

Make an effort with your appearance – The happn research revealed that making an effort with appearance is the top thing that a man or woman should do on a date and I would agree. Making an effort with your own appearance is a way that you communicate your own level of self esteem with the world. So, we all have days when we’re a bit run down or we’ve run out of time or we haven’t quite managed to get round to doing our hair and that’s fine but you really want to show that we’re organised, that you’re happy, that you get enough sleep, that you eat well.

A fantastic style tip for women is don’t be afraid to wear colour or wearing something that’s a little bit different. You’ll find that guys will find it easier to compliment on a unique handbag, hat or accessory versus perhaps on a first date saying “you look pretty attractive.”

Don’t appear entitled – A big bugbear I receive from men is that women feel entitled. That would be a sense of expectation that the guy is absolutely going to pay and being quite demanding at the beginning. I think that it is lovely if someone offers to pay but I think it should be met with a “are you sure that’s alright?” or “let’s split the bill” or “I’ll get the next drink” because that demonstrates your willingness as a woman to connect with him.

The important thing is to remember to go into every date needing to express yourself, rather than get a second date!