Wedding proposal? No problem!
Many women will be glad to hear that men are putting their issues to one side in comparison to the commitment-phobes that existed ten years ago! We talk to relationship expert Jenni Trent Hughes about the changing attitudes of men and their willingness to be devoted to their partners.
Why is today’s man becoming more committed than ever before?
The research from eHarmony revealed that there are quite a few reasons behind the trend. More than a quarter of the young single men in our survey (27%) say that they want to settle down to start a family; while others (20%) see their friends around them settling down and worry they may get left behind.
Why could it be that the average age to settle down has decreased by two years?
Many men today feel lonelier than in the recent previous decades. In many peoples' lives the feeling of community has been taken over by urbanization. We may have more friends but at a shallower level than before so a desire to be part of something solid makes many men ready for commitment at a younger age.
This result has been likened to the grandfather’s generation, so how can this be explained?
The trend we're seeing is that men today are more like their grandparents’ generation than their parents’. Today’s typical man is ready for a committed relationship at the same age (22) as their grandparents, which is younger than ‘noughties man’ (aged 35-44) and ‘nineties man’ (aged 45-54), who said they were ready for commitment at 24 and 26 respectively.
More men are willing to be in committed relationship now, so what has changed so drastically in the last decade to warrant this?
It used to be thought that a relationship was something you had to have whether or not you understood the concept or even wanted one. Nowadays we know a lot more about what makes a good relationship and what you can actually do to help yourself be part of one. Seeing friends in compatible and successful relationships that began on the internet has also made the concept less daunting.
Why do men fear being left on the shelf and why is that we always think of women feeling like this instead of men?
Men and women have a lot more in common with each other than we are often lead to believe. We both have the same longing for 'that certain someone' it's just that historically women are more comfortable about expressing it. It may not be a biological clock but today's young man will often say that he wants to have a family while he's still young enough to kick a ball around in the park so time is also a consideration for him.
What can the fear of being alone do to someone?
It is really important to understand the distinction between being 'lonely' and being alone. The former means that you believe that you are missing out on something and wish it to be different. On the other hand being single can be huge fun and is a great opportunity to explore a range of activities and possibilities while having fun dating new people which could eventually lead to something more.
Many men prioritise families and relationships over money and socialising, so what advantages does this bring to their life?
Focusing on meaningful quality relationships with family members and a partner you're truly compatible with is the best thing you can give to all concerned. Chasing money might enable you to provide more 'things' but everyone involved will place a higher value on memories and time spent together.
How can women being aware of their biological clock affect their perceptions of these findings?
While a biological clock may be a reality it doesn't help to panic about it. You are more likely to make a bad choice if you are using a calendar to guide you. What is most important is that you take steps to find someone you are truly compatible with. Being with someone with whom you share core values, outlooks on life and similar dreams and goals will do a lot to ensuring that your relationship goes the distance and you create the kind of family life you deserve.
How can mollycoddling mothers affect a man’s progress in a relationship?
A mollycoddling mother sometimes makes it a bit more difficult for a man to want to stand on his own two feet. If you had a mother who catered to your every wish then as a man you may sometimes often look for a woman who will do the same. However one of the advantages of love in the 21st Century is that this is a lot less common than it used to be. Modern man is looking for someone to share his life with walking with him rather than ten steps behind.
More responsibility and loss of independence are reason that some men might still be put off by commitment, so why is this now only small percentage?
This is only a small percentage because today more men are ready for commitment, and at an earlier age than recent generations. Now that we discuss relationships in depth in a more public way than we did before people are more likely to be more honest about what they want to have and what they don't. When you have two people who are compatible, want the same things, share similar core values and perceptions on life then commitment because something positive to look forward to rather than something to be avoided.
eHarmony.co.uk
tagged in Men