Here we go again. Who cares? I’m so happy that I finally got someone I can call a boyfriend, and my friends are giving those super satisfying envious looks because, let’s be honest here, he is great and we look good together.
Awesome. But let me ask you something: are you his priority? Don’t take this personally. Only time will show whether you’re the right match but first you need to consider if your relationship is heading in the right direction.
How can I put this? Does he value your opinion when it comes to important life decisions? For example when he’s choosing a flat or house to rent or buy? Has he introduced you to his closest friends? (Never mind his parents, that one is a tricky one depending on the relationship he has with them) Does he ever invite you along on his trips if he travels a lot? Did he ask you to be his girlfriend?
So you answered yes to most of the questions above and you are just thinking ‘Leave me in peace, I am happy. Why can’t you be happy for me?’ I won’t, not at least until I’ve helped you to figure out if you’re his priority.
And if you think you are his priority no matter what, here are a few more questions for you to ponder on:
- Do you see each other at least twice a week?
- Do you spend most Friday nights together? (No matter what others tell you – Friday is date night!)
- Does he make it clear to everyone around him that you are his girlfriend? Not his property, but a girlfriend?
- Does he remember key dates? Birthday? Valentine’s Day?
- Does he listen to your suggestions and follow some of them?
- Does he encourage you to achieve your goals?
- Does he listen to you?
- Is he a part of your life? Fully?
Often following bad relationships or dating disasters we tend to settle for the first guy that seems normal and makes dating an easy process. I’m not saying that’s wrong, that’s a very healthy choice you’ve made. Practice makes perfect and the more dates you go on and the more guys you meet, the more likely your chances of finding the right partner for you and building a healthy relationship. However, you need to make sure that you’re the other person’s priority because if not, it’s time to get your cute butt out of there and start all over again.
If you figure out that you are not his priority, do yourself a favour and move on. Start dating again, or simply take a look around you, guys are often drawn to those who are already in a relationship – perhaps there is someone patiently waiting for you.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t despair! You are already in a much better position than most people who have just started dating. Somewhere along the way you have become a wise monkey that knows better and won’t make the same mistake twice. Take a break before moving on and once you feel renewed and rested you can start dating again with more experience under your belt and more importantly, with more confidence in yourself and your needs.
Olga Levancuka is a world leading life coach and is the author of ‘How To Be Selfish’. She has coached some of the UK’s most prominent entrepreneurs, celebrities from all across the fame spectrum as well as household political names.