Deciding to adopt was a real light bulb moment for me. I never really knew what that phrase meant until I looked into adoption.
I searched online, google'd it and researched it and one day I suggested it to my partner Alex. I rang her up and simply said: "What about adoption?".
She wasn't sure. She said we wouldn't pass, she was convinced. She said the process is too long, that it could take three years before we had a child of our own and that family we were dreaming of. We talked and talked and she started to come round.
In the end she agreed and I contacted the adoption agency Caritas Care. Soon after we received our information pack, filled it out and sent it off. Then it all started.
It was when the weekly meetings began with our social worker that I realised it was a good job we knew everything about each other. If we didn't, we would have by the end of it! You really do 'bare all' so to speak. They go through everything, absolutely everything. There become no secrets between you and your partner.
Alex and I honestly never worried about being gay and deciding to adopt. We knew it had been an obstacle in the past but it was different now. We knew it wouldn't be the reason they'd turn us down. I was more worried about my old school reports - I'd been a rascal at school. It's funny things like that that keep you awake at 3am. But Alex kept me sane. She is the yin to my yang.
When our little boys profile was emailed to us from our social worker, Alex was at work and it was so hard to wait for her to get home. I was bouncing off the walls. But Alex was much calmer. She was the one who suggested that we only look at his photographs once we had read his profile…twice. Alex knew I needed the head space to think clearly and that if I gushed over the photographs first, I'd never take in what was written on the report.
And the report was tough reading. But again we talked. We decided as a couple we could cope, that we could be the stability this little lad needed. We agreed on everything. We were in it together, completely. Talking - it seems so simple but it's the most crucial thing to do. We also turned to our friends and family a lot. They were our rocks, a massive part of the whole process.
The stress we went through was hard. All the tests and bumps you encounter in this kind of journey puts a strain on your relationship I can't deny that. It could break people, but it didn't break us. We were too determined to make it through, to find our child.
tagged in Relationship