It’s been revealed that Amy Winehouse was desperate to have a baby with ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil, despite their turbulent relationship. But having a baby is last thing that will save your relationship, experts say.
Dr Michael Sinclair, Consultant Counselling Psychologist of City Psychology Group and HarleyStreet.com says, “Expectations that a baby will help repair a relationship should be treated with great caution and will probably not be met.
“A couple who decide to have a baby to repair their relationship are looking to far afield for the solution to their problems – the real solution is a lot closer than they think.
“They instead need to take a good look at themselves as individuals and as a couple to work on more adaptive and helpful ways of being towards each other.”
Not only can having a baby for the sake of a relationship damage the child’s life but it can also create problems between a couple, not only in the relationship, but afterwards.
Amy Radnor, solicitor at Charles Russell LLP says, “It is easy to think a new baby can save a faltering relationship, unfortunately all too often the strains of being a new parent can highlight the problems in a relationship and have the opposite effect.
“The point to remember is couples without children can pass out of each other's lives relatively easily once the relationship comes to an end, but that once there are children involved, separating couples are looking at a lifetime of shared parenting and a continuing connection.”
There is, of course, another argument to this. One could say that a baby will force a couple to grow and see the harsh light of day, allowing them to focus on the important things in life.
Dr Sinclair says, “Arguably, a baby could help a couple focus on the more important aspects and values of their lives, helping them to let go of futile arguments but a baby is certainly not a quick fix nor the sole answer to any couple’s problems and it would be unwise to be treated as such.”
Katharine Hill, a spokesperson for Care for the Family, says, "One of the best things you can do for each other and for your family is to take steps to resolve any issues and to build strong foundations in your marriage before children come along."
Cara Mason @Cara_FAM