In today’s ‘try before you buy’ dating world, treating relationships in a casual manner is the norm. Many guys offer no explanation why ‘they are not into you’, leaving ladies confused and wondering why, often creating a breeding ground for insecurities. Love Guru Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart offers up some brutal truths your date didn’t have the guts to tell you.
So you have had a great first few dates. You thought it was going swimmingly well and he has even let you keep his jumper. But since then, not a squeak from him. No call, texts or date fixed to meet up. Phone in one hand desperately waiting, Haagen-Daaz in the other, would a third text from you in 6 hours make you look desperate?
Sorry ladies. His phone hasn’t been stolen. He hasn’t been in touch because he is just not that into you. If he is genuinely into you, it will be blindingly obvious. You will know. It is the absence of ‘obvious’ that you need to watch out for. If these 10 warning signs sound familiar, then be honest with yourself. It is time to call it a day and move on.
He is slow in responding to your calls or texts and it is turning you into an anxious stalker
You ring to ask how his meeting went. No reply. You text to say you rang. Still no reply. You text again to check plans that evening. He responds 24 hours later, “sorry babe, something came up”. This has been a repeating pattern.
A guy genuinely into you will contact you promptly and regularly, often texting you when he wakes, before he sleeps and for no reason at all.
Responding to texts takes minutes, if not seconds. If you are always initiating contact first or if he takes ages to respond and gives a one word or short answer replies, then he isn’t interested. Re-think your dating strategy and choice of guys.
He only calls you at certain times
If he is only calling you at 2 am, it is a ‘booty call’. If you are happy to be his fall-back girl, then great. But don’t expect a meaningful relationship.
He only hangs out with you when it suits him
Guys make time to do things they truly care about, like making time to watch football but ignoring their washing. Clean sheets are not a priority.
Likewise, if he is into you, he will make every effort and find excuses to hang out with you at his favourite restaurants or bars. He will confirm plans with you in advance and make compromises to suit you.
But, if he doesn’t or only hangs out when it suits him, then believe me, he isn’t into you.
He is flirty and pays attention to other women
You look stunning on your date, dressed in your little black dress but he is still more interested in talking to waitresses. He doesn’t understand why it bothers you, saying it isn’t sexual, so it’s ok.
Let’s face it, it is not ok. A guy seriously into you will only have eyes for you. He respects you and hates making you feel unhappy by openly flirting. So, time to walk on by.
He doesn’t show much interest in listening or remembering things about you
A guy who is into you just can’t get enough of you. He wants to please you, find ways to make you happy and is fully present when you are together. He is hungry to listen and will choose to remember even the small details you mention in conversation.
But if you find yourself repeating and reminding him, then stop wasting your time. His lack of interest is a clear sign he isn’t into you.
He has not made a public statement that you are together
Pay attention to how he introduces you. Does he introduce you as his girlfriend? Guys are very territorial and once he decides you are his woman, he will want everyone to know that and wants to show you off including announcing your relationship officially on his social media.
If he is reluctant to go public about you, then cue, he is not into you and doesn’t want the hot chick next door to know you exist.
He talks about his ex and compares you to her
If he regularly brings his ex into conversations and discusses their traumatic breakup after dating you exclusively for over three months, then warning bells! He may not be completely over her. If he is also comparing you to his ex, chances are that he may still be in love with her.
Work out if he is just off-loading his emotional baggage or if you are a short-lived rebound relationship. If he is emotionally unavailable or not investing time in you, then don’t waste your love on someone yearning for another.
He has not introduced you to his family and does not want you to hang out with him and his close friends.
His family and close friends are important to him. He will arrange for you to meet his mum and chums pronto if you matter to him because he cares what they think of you.
His failure to make moves to do so, speak for itself. Meeting his work friends doesn’t count.
He is vague about his plans and avoids serious conversations
A guy who is into you will want to share, tell you what is going on in his life and also consult you, unprompted, because he wants to involve you.
If he avoids sharing, is vague about his plans, avoids serious conversations about your relationship, or when asked about having kids with you says, “maybe in ten years, maybe never’, then don’t kid yourself. He isn’t into you.
If you are left questioning his intentions, then accept that he is not into you
If he sees a long-term future with you, his thoughts and actions will scream this! It certainly won’t leave you questioning his intentions. But, if you are trying to convince yourself that he will change, then you are wasting your time. He won’t.
Armed with these tips, I hope you will feel more assured and avoid unnecessary heart-ache along the way.
LinkedIn: Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart
tagged in dating